The Importance of Eating Waffles

The Waffle (/Wå:ffledh/) was discovered in 1824 by the Belgian Pierre le Waffe when he accidentally dropped waffle batter onto a waffle iron. They instantly became a hit, causing the Second Great Flour Rush of the 19th Century.

Few people know that Margaret Thatcher’s full nickname is, in fact, The Waffle Iron Lady, title which she earned when she was crowned winner of Parliament’s Annual Waffle Eating Competition in 1957, beating both Winston Churchill and William Pitt the Elder by an astounding 27 waffles.

Waffles have been known to cure any ailment, ranging from the common cold to chicken pox. Research shows that people who eat an average of 2.4 waffles a week are happier, more successful and have more fulfilling sex lives.

Faced with the overwhelming evidence of the benefits of regular waffle consumption, we had no choice but to eat a shedload of them so as to increase our average health and general quality of life.

Better Homes and Gardens’ Waffles

WaffleEdit

You will need:

[We tripled this recipe because we had to feed seven greedy people. This recipe apparently makes three 9-inch waffles.]

1 3/4 cups (220 g) flour
1 tablespoon baking powder
2 egg yolks
1 3/4 cups (415 ml) milk
1/2 cup (125 ml) sunflower oil
2 egg whites
1/2 teaspoon salt.

  1. Mix together flour, baking powder and salt in a big mixing bowl. (Make sure it’s big enough. There is nothing more tragic than a mixing bowl that is suddenly too small.)
  2. Separate the eggs. Have fun with that.
  3. In a small mixing bowl beat egg yolks with a fork. Beat in the milk and cooking oil.
  4. Add the dry ingredients to the egg yolk/milk/oil mixture all at once; stir until combined but still slightly lumpy.
  5. Use a mixer (because you’re lazy and no one has that kind of arm strength any more) to whisk the egg whites until stiff peaks form.
  6. Fold the egg whites gently into the flour-milk mixture. Do not overmix as your waffles will be floppy and sad. No one wants floppy and sad waffles. There should be some fluffs of egg white left.
  7. Pour about 1/2 – 3/4 cup of the batter onto a preheated, lightly greased waffle machine. Close the lid and wait. Every machine is different – on ours you have to wait until the lights turn green and try not to panic if the light is green and red at the same time.
  8. When the time has come, peel the waffle off the waffle iron with a knife.
  9. The waffle is a most versatile fruit, and goes well with just about anything you can think of. Smother in your toppings of choice (we had everything from bacon and maple syrup to strawberries, raspberries and vanilla whipped cream.)
  10. Stuff them in your face. Yum.

One two three four – SCORE
[Numerical ratings are out of four, where four is best/healthiest/hardest.]
Taste: 4 (… they’re waffles; how can they go wrong? A waffle is only as good as what you put on top of it.)
Difficulty: 3 (Experience is key, and you need the appropriate machine.)
Healthiness: -340289 (Flour, Oil, Eggs and lashings of syrup. Unless you are preparing for  hibernation . . . they’re just not good for you.)
Tummy Friendliness: They’re definitely not light on the stomach but otherwise fine.
Calories: Thinking about this makes me want to cry, so we’re going to ignore it. If you’re counting calories, avoid the waffles.
Cost: Cheap for the waffles themselves; the toppings are where the money’s at.
Overall: 3.5 because they are delicious enough to cancel out the guilt at just how badly they’ve obliterated your diet.

We recommend this recipe to anyone in possession of a waffle iron – but if you already have a waffle iron you probably already know how to make waffles. If you don’t have a waffle iron and want easy access to waffles, we recommend you purchase one.

Sunday Brunch

And One, Three and Four looked upon what they had done and saw that it was good.

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