The Battle of Mascarpone and Other Tales from the Tiramisu Wars

While working at an oh-so-career-relevant summer job, I inadvertently found myself in the midst a tiramisu war. It all started when one of my friends naively asked a lady for the recipe of the strawberry tiramisu she had brought to the office. Mistake. I believe that her genuine request must have sounded something like this to this lady: “I want to steal ALL your tiramisu secrets and challenge you to the ultimate tiramisu bake(?)-off MWAHAHAHAHA”. People can get greedy over recipes, but this was extreme; on the spot, the lady publicly announced that my friend would attempt to emulate her tiramisu and bring it the following week so we could all compare. Much to her chagrin, the recreation far exceeded its predecessor and thus war broke out. We suddenly had a middle-aged German lady bringing in to work exorbitant amounts of tiramisus with strange twists, violently stuffing them in our mouths, just in order to proclaim “OH ABER SEE! IT EES ALL FINEESHED. EET WAS SEEMPLY ZEE BEST ONE YET!”.

The saddest part was that none of them were particularly good. Call me a skeptic, but I don’t really believe in putting fruit in tiramisu. One of the highlights was an “apricot tiramisu” which had a top layer of apricot goo that oxidized, turning into a delicious-looking diarrhea-inspired brown. There’s nothing more devastating than having to throw away almost an entire case of tiramisu, but it was honest-to-God inedible. We advertised it to colleagues from nearby offices, who would hurry along excitedly at the promise of an Italian treat and, upon taking a look, would suddenly go “oooooh, I’ll just have a bit… I’m on a diet really”.  After having tried a plethora of different tiramisus (plural of tiramisu anyone?) I came across this traditional and simple, yet impeccable recipe.

The key is the mascarpone – no matter what you’re told, do not substitute with quark, Philadelphia or let yourself be tempted to engage in any other soft-cheese shenanigans. Tiramisu is made with mascarpone. Punkt. Having said that, the beauty of this recipe lies in its flexibility: you can adjust the alcohol, sugar and coffee levels to your taste. It is simply victorious.

Tiramisu

Continue reading

Twenties Mess

We have re-dubbed and adapted this classic to satisfy our cravings while we share some life lessons from the past few years:

20 Things you do in your 20s:

  1. learn to apply liquid eyeliner
  2. plan a diet and gracefully break it at your next meal
  3. master the art of napping
  4. get your first (and possibly last) Brazilian wax
  5. avoid any sort of real responsibility
  6. grow your hair long enough so that it covers your boobies and practice being a mermaid in front of your mirror
  7. watch every single TV show in existence
  8. dabble in periodic self-hatred
  9. start going to aerobics classes
  10. become friends with people you would have never even spoken to in the past
  11. join a book club… for the brunches
  12. realize all adults are just making shit up as they go along
  13. start a blog
  14. count how many guys you made out with in just one night, and think its okay because you’re in your 20s (insider tip: dressing up as a slutty nurse helps increase the count)
  15. finally embrace your inner-nerd
  16. fail to accomplish menial tasks for days because no one can tell you what to do, dammit
  17. realize that dirty talk is okay – maybe more than okay
  18. start thinking cosmetic surgery is not that outrageous
  19. become a nihilist
  20. dance BECAUSE everyone is watching

BONUS

21. write lists about things you do in your 20s

Eton Twenties Mess

mess2

Continue reading

Four’s Lazy Peach Tarts

Making puff pastry by hand is for losers. No one has that kind of time any more.

Don’t judge these tarts because they’re easy – love them because they’re tasty.

These tarts come in handy if you’re ever in a pinch for a delicious treat that is fast, easy and cheap. Number Four shamelessly stole this recipe from a friend and has altered it to make it even more delicious (… and easy).

Number Four’s Lazy Peach Tarts

PeachTarts Continue reading